Secrets of a Healthy Relationship

Dear Thinette

Thinette

What makes your relationship magic? Can you in all honesty say,  I am so happy and I can’t get him out of my mind. I can’t wait to see him again. I want to be with him.

 

What makes it magic?

Here you have 10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship

It is all about what you are to each other, most certainly, filling the voids there is within? Ask yourself, why is this relationship so special? What can the secret be to a long and healthy relationship?Man-and-Woman-intimate-under-umbrella-in-the-rain

I have seen happy glowing couples holding hands talking and laughing with joy down the street. Others, in contrast, were disconnected two individuals strolling apart, one after to other each with his own thoughts. Normally Mom is handling the kids and hubby gazing at all behind her. That says it all, he might not even have a wedding band.

How much compassion do you have as a couple? Can you imagine how the other person might feel? These are all personality trends that have an influence on your relationship, making you more lovable or not. To be self-centred is not part of these behaviours.

Since I can remember I was interested in people’s behaviour and why it is. I had many daydreams of a loving partner, loving me, hugging holding me as we talk and doing things together.

When sitting at a restaurant looking at people walking by, I never notice what clothes, hairstyle or shoes they have.  All I am interested in, are their facial expression and how they behave, most of all, towards each other. That is what gets my attention.

What is Healthy Behaviour?

My wish for you is to fall into the first category, my dear. Understand the dynamics of a relationship and how to keep the magic and joy alive. By watching others, you learn a lot.

10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship it is like A lush green flowering climber covering a wall with red flowers

A relationship is a living growing entity and can be compared to a plant. Giving it water, daily attention, pruning and getting rid of dead leaves, giving it growth stimulants and you will most certainly have a healthy, vibrant, lush, flowering, plant winding all around you. Nurture your relationship.

It is imperative for you to know the 5 languages of love my dear.

10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship or can be toxic like this prickly cactus desert plant full of thorns

On the other hand, if you ignore and neglect and never water or give the plant any attention, you will soon have an untouchable prickly cactus full of thorns.  Obviously, you will ignore and avoid it.  You have to decide which option will it be.

A selfish partner will ignore and neglect and only follow his or her own desires.  Though it is a heartwarming surprise to see the overnight change from desert plant to a tropical winding creeper with just a little extra attention.

What should I know and What should I do?

  • Choose your partner wisely. We are attracted to all different kinds of people for different reasons. The best is to write down beforehand the core beliefs important to you. It could be a number of things you would want him to be.

  • Look at his personality, values, generosity of spirit, the correlation between his words and his actions, the interaction with family and friends, but most importantly how do his friends value him.

  • Know your partner’s beliefs about a relationship. People have conflicting ideas. One partner might not be ready yet and still wants to fool around while the other is ready for commitment.

  • It is important to be on the same level and feels the same. Go around and discover many different personalities, as I have said before with an open mind and not open legs.

  • If you are ready to commit do not directly talk-the-talk about commitment. A man gets nervous if you start talking about commitment when he is not ready.

  • If you really want to know, ask indirectly during a conversation over dinner to get your answer. Make this statement with questions, saying ‘ I am at the point in my life where I am ready for a longtime committed relationship.

  • Where are you on your timeline? What more is there you want to achieve? What are your honest opinion? How do you feel about it? Say “It doesn’t necessarily mean us, this is about you.” Let him give his opinion and listen carefully.

  • You can reply “If you are not ready yet I fully understand, and it is okay. I am ready for a long term relationship and if you are not ready, I think we should end this close relationship and just be friends.”

  • You might not be The One for him but he enjoys your company. Take your time, my dear. Don’t want to marry every man you have a relationship with, the time will come. Enjoy the journey of discovery.

  • Respect Respect Respect in any relationship is the most important binding factor, love. Act in such a way that you will earn respect. Mutual respect is necessary.

  • When faced with a difficult situation in public, face it together as a united front. You may differ, but leave that till you are home and then discuss it in private. Be this formidable Team. United we stand!

  • When you observe a change of behaviour in your partner, ask in a loving way, why is it happening and what is the cause. Listen to the explanation, not saying a word, have an open mind and never assume or accuse, find a solution together.

  • Good communication always prevents misunderstandings. Never be a tit for tat game player. 10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship. A Man and woman disagreeing..

  • Know how to manage your differences, my dear, it is essential in any relationship. Disagreements do not sink a relationship, but name-calling and playing the silent game do.

  • Learn how to handle negative thoughts and feelings which are unavoidable by-products of any difference you will have. Do not avoid or ignore disagreements, manage it in a calm and mature way as soon as it happens.

  • Never let it simmer and brew to a toxic mix. Each couple should find their own way to solve a problem, you may want to sit legs crossed on the bed facing each other holding hands discussing it. Compromise is the answer.

  • Learn to negotiate as equal partners. Modern relationships do not rely on submissive roles by culture. All is shared equally. Some situations, if the family grows, might need an update from time to time.

  • Know what you want and kindly tell him in a neutral logic loving way, and be true to yourself. Never camouflage your needs or live a lie. It will lead to misunderstandings, resentment and unhappiness.

  • A relationship is not a guessing game, he can’t read your mind. Be open and honest, and say what you need.

Great Advice

  • Listen Listen Listen. Become a good listener, focus on what he says. Do this with an open, empty mind without judgement. Sometimes just being a good listener is all that is needed to solve to problem. Be mature enough and see the problem for what it is. Both sides have valid points, keep perspective and balance.

  • Do not be overly sensitive or take it personally. It is not aimed at you. A bad day is just a bad day, it is what it is and not anybody’s fault on purpose.
    10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship Couple sitting arms around each other quiet intimately on a bench.

  • A good relationship is not the end to your goal, my dear, it is only the beginning of an ongoing loving process. It will grow into a full-blown happy relationship.

  • Discuss what your future will look like together, even before you make your final commitment. Commitment and marriage is a long term togetherness.

  • Discuss your dreams and goals with each other. Are both on the same road to the same destination? Talk about the future. Where you are heading to and how are you going to achieve it? Do you have the same vision?

Couple sitting in a restaurant in a deep discussion over a cup of tea.

  • Never go to bed upset with a disagreement hanging over your heads. Communicate and try a little forgiving tenderness, remember you love him not hate him, my dear.

  • You do not always have to be right, there is a term that says Compromise.

  • Not every problem should need Talk-A-Thon as a solution. When it is needed find a specific time and place to solve your problems, never make it part of your everyday life.

  • When a problem occurs write it down on a piece of paper, put it in a box for later discussion and be normal the rest of the day. Find a specific time and place together to open the box and solve the problems by discussing it in a mature manner. Compromise and find a solution both are satisfied with.

  •  An activity like a hiking trip together might be all that is needed to solve the problem.

  • Take good care of yourself. Maintain self-respect and self-esteem. Love yourself and have confidence. There is never a reason for you to neglect yourself or become sloppy and lazy.

10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship Couple having fun riding a bicycle

  • Stay physically attractive, be the one he fell in love with. Find your own style and do not become a slave of fashion.

  • Stay mentally happy, happy and positive when around him, be the sunshine in his life.

  • Never feel and look as you have been dragged through to ditch. Look your best, and ready to enchant him when he comes home from work.

Important Behaviour

Here are a few points of importance again my dear,

  • Do you have open communication? Can you talk about everything and most of all, are you both good listeners.

  • Be present and have interest in each others lives.

  • Understand your partner, see it from the other side too.

  • Love each other unconditionally.

  • Respect, understanding and patience, is a necessity.

  • Be Truthful and Honest with each other.

  • Have Compassion and be able to Compromise.

  • Trust and support.

  • Be loyal and kind.

  • Always be a positive partner, have a sense of humor, laugh easily.

  • Apologise Apologise Apologise. Everybody makes mistakes, but not everyone will make an attempt to repair stability. Willingness to make-up after a disagreement is central to every long term relationship.

  • Find a loving unique way to deal with it, but never play the silent game it is childlike, be creative. A couple never has arguments it is only disagreements.10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship Couple sitting back to back in silence and disagreement

  • Be never a needy partner, which means never be dependant on him to make you happy, give you money, entertain you and do things for you.

  • Do not lean on him for all your excitement and needs. You drain all to joy and energy from the relationship.

  • Your partner will feel resentment and you become a burden in his mind, and it will definitely ruin a relationship. Everything in a relationship is 50/50.

  • Having a few interests and activities outside the relationship is important. A sport or a hobby of your own, and if he has the same it is a good thing.

  • Support each other but have your own. Stay fit and healthy, maintain your energy and zest for life. Keep an open mind and be spontaneous. Fun and surprises are sexy and exciting.

  • Don’t confuse sex with love, especially early on in a relationship. Attraction and lust is not long-lasting love my dear. Love comes from the core deep down and is not an instant surface feeling.

  • Be aware of the needs of your partner.

  • Being honest and sincere, create closeness and intimacy, but it takes two to make it happen.

These are all good qualities of a good relationship my dear

Love at First Sight?

What do I think?

I hate to tell you this, my dear but there is not such thing as love at a first sight. Yes, you are immediately on cloud nine, you both feel attracted to each other from the moment you met. Only have eyes and butterflies for each other.

He or she might be the person to be, The One, but only after you learned to know the person better. Your subconscious mind approves of him, he or she can end up as your dream partner, but it will take a while. Often time proves otherwise, be cautious never go head over heels with your decisions my dear.

This is the most important decision you will make in your life. Know what you want and take your time, make sure.

Can I tell you something Thinette, there is more than one soulmate for you out there, it all depends on which stage of life you go looking for him.

Search until you find The One. It will happen at the right time, not one moment before.  Find the one that will last till the end, it is possible, just be patient, be ready and take your time.

The Character of a Healthy Relationship

10 Secrets of a Healthy Relationship Couple in bed cuddling and talking.

A long-lasting relationship is more than just sex. Sex is easy but intimacy is more difficult. You have to win his trust before you will have intimacy with your man. Romantic lovemaking and pillow talk are good but, lustful sex and a quicky are essential in a healthy happy relationship.

There has to be a connection between goodwill and compromise, kindness and generosity from both sides. Cuddling and talking afterwards is so important. This is the moment a man is the most acceptable to closeness, emotions and intimacy.

No one is a superhuman being … but, it is worthwhile trying!

Conclusion

  • Get up every morning, breath in deep and stretch high, smile with joy and a zest for life … no matter what!

  • Decide to give no one permission to steal your joy, not today, not tomorrow not ever!

The best tips for a good relationship is, find a person that mirrors your values and believes. Be on the same side, always a team. It secures a very happy and healthy relationship.

Have a happy social life my darling.

Your loving Gran

Stella.

Granny Stella

Inspire Motivate And Empower The Next Generation

 

6 Comments on “Secrets of a Healthy Relationship”

  1. What a wealth of good advice here Stella. You just speak from experience I am sure and learned your lessons throughout your life.

    I am going through a tough relationship issue with my wife that unfortunately raised its ugly head on Valentines Day of all times. But I will go through it using some of the advice you provided.

    Thank you for your website. It reaches out to more people you will every know.

    1. Hi Edwin
      So sorry to hear of your tough times. Hope it will go the way you want and plan it to go.
      This week I have a letter out on bad habits leading to Toxic relationships. You might want to read it?
      PM me if you need a soundboard to get it off your heart and I hope to have some info that can help.
      Thank you for sharing I appreciate your comment.
      Stella

  2. Wow Stella, this is really grandma’s thing to her granddaughter. I love the relationship advice, respect for each other, listening to each other, no game playing, honesty is very vital in relationship because if lie to someone and someday he or she finds out the truth, no matter how small the lie it could ruin a relationship especially at the beginning when the two are still getting to know each other. Treating each other as equal is very important in relationship because that tells your partner the kind of person you are and how you feel about him or her.
    A question for you, you mentioned about the man not wearing a ring, what does it imply if a married man refuses to wear his wedding ring?

    1. Hi Ginao
      Thank you for a very inspiring comment.
      Relationships are so much more that just romance.
      To answer your question … in my opinion if a man refuses to wear his wedding band and there is no reason why he could not wear it, it spells his unwillingness to be really truly be serious and committed, it looks as if he is leaving the backdoor open.
      Stella

  3. Wow Stella, what an amazing advice. I wish someone had told me this when I started dating my husband, since he is the first and only man in my life. So I had no experience. Being married to him was a challenge at first but I thank God for His guidance. Now I can’t imagine live without my husband. I’ll take the advice on argument and on not being so needy. He wants to do everything for me but I need to find a way to do more and ask him to let me do more for him. Thank you so much Stella!

    1. Hi Rachel
      That is the reason for this site.
      None of us ever got the guidance one should have to make the better choice.
      So glad you could get something to take away from the site.
      I appreciate your comment.
      Stella

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