Letter 23 How to of Emotional Intelligence

What is Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace?

Dear Thinette.

Did you know all the decision we make is based on emotions, no matter what? Not everybody know what is Emotional Intelligence in the workplace or integrity, my dear, it is different.

It is a mental state of mind to be considerate of other people’s feelings and you can practice and develop it. It is the same as a habit, over time with repetition your mind will adapt and replace old patterns with ones you choose.

Climbing the ladder of success

To inspire climbing the ladder of success in the corporate world, it is wise to develop Emotional Intelligence skills alongside your business skills.

To be successful as a leader, you will have to know the how-to of Emotional Intelligence, even if you have an Internet business, your main focus is on the needs of your visitors. The ability to understand people, help you motivate and get positive results. A certain set of skills are required to achieve success, my dear.

The 5 Most Important Features of Emotional Intelligence.

  • Self-awareness. Identify how you feel. Recognize the different feelings you have, is it constricting or promoting the situation, what are your limitations or strengths. Understand the feelings and the effect it has on others. Keep a diary of these situations and note the disruptive behaviour and thoughts you had. What was the behaviour of other people around you in the situation?

  • Self-regulation. Be wise and manage impulsive behaviour. Instead of being angry and shout at someone, rather step back breath deep and ask a question, let the person explain his behaviour, or delegate the task. Take responsibility for mistakes, use it as an example and find a solution.

  • Empathy. The ability to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand the frustrations and emotions they have. Listen carefully without interruption. Observe people’s behaviour and body language on a daily basis. Note a difference and never ignore it. In private ask if there is something the matter. Understand before being judgmental. Be sincere in all your actions, have an open body language when communicating.

  • Motivation. Only when you are self-motivated will people believe and follow you. Have a goal, based on performance rather than money or prestige. Discuss and involve the team, give praise and a sense of purpose working together to achieve. Create a sense of unity.

  • Social Skills. Manage your relationships to benefit the team as a whole. Earn Trust and Respect by being Open and Honest in your motives. Treat and see every worker as an individual, identify their abilities to the full benefit of the company. Invite them to give input and share ideas, it builds trust and improves communication skills. Listen to feedback to eliminate misunderstandings. Different viewpoints can be resolved with compromises. Never get too familiar.

Bright idea.

People with a high IQ and good business sense are not always the best leaders in a company. People with Emotional Intelligence and the understanding thereof are usually successful in all they do.

 Why … because they have the ability to make other people feel good, and happy people perform their best. Remember people take emotional decisions. They go out their way to please the person they respect and who makes them feel worthy. They will do what it takes to make things happen.

How can I improve my Emotional Intelligence?

  • Self Motivation. Keep a lid on negative emotions. What are your weaknesses? Are you prepared to compromise and ACCEPT and ADAPT?

  • Your ability to stay calm and collective, keep your emotions under control when things go wrong in difficult situations, are highly valuable.

  • Who Are You At Work? Do you seek attention for every accomplishment? It is better to put the focus on other people, let them shine. Become the motivator and this way you will get the attention you need.

  • Observe your Behaviour. Be aware of your reaction to other workers. Never rush into a judgment from your perspective, other people can have a better idea that can be right too.

  • Take Responsibility for your Actions. When you were wrong and hurtful towards others, Apologize directly. Never avoid and ignore the situation. People are willing to forgive and forget if you make a sincere attempt to rectify a wrong and give respect.

  • Examine your Actions. How will your actions affect others? Think before you act. When taking action to be diplomatic in your approach, always keep in mind how it will make them feel. Will you get the positive outcome you want?

When you think you have what it takes, here are a few tell-tale signs you can evaluate your behaviour and thoughts … be the judge.

Signs of Highly Emotional Intelligent people.

You will give attention to:

  • What are the feelings of all people involved?

  • Pause and take a step back before you react.

  • Control your thoughts and emotions.

  • Benefit from criticism. Keep emotions out of this one, it gives you a chance to grow.

  • Be Authentic. Mean what you say and say what you mean. You will get recognition for honesty.

  • Demonstrate Empathy. Can you walk in their shoes for the moment? Understand why and how a person thinks and act.

  • Praise others for achievements. Satisfy the craving everybody has for acceptance and acknowledgement, build trust. Focus only on the good.

  • Give Positive helpful Feedback. Build up, don’t break down, rather say nothing.

  • Apologize. It takes strength and courage, but it builds trust and illustrates humility and humanity.

  • Forgive and Forget. Never hang on to resentment, don’t be a hostage of the past! Move on.

  • Keep Commitments no matter what. Keep your word and do what you say, it develops a strong sense of reliability and trustworthiness. When you can not honour your commitment cancel in advance and reschedule.

  • Helping others has a positive impact on emotions. It does not matter who you are or what you have, the willingness to make sacrifices in order to help overrules all. It builds trust and inspires others to follow in your footsteps, completing a circle of goodwill.

  • Protect yourself from Emotional Sabotage. Coming over as, to good at heart a person, people might take advantage and use emotional manipulation. Be aware and continually sharpen your emotional intelligence skills to protect yourself.

These are skills to help you develop your Emotional Intelligent ability my darling. Be always aware and it is wise to think about different possible outcomes.

It is good to ask questions and listen carefully in every situation, why does he/she think this way, how did a person get to this point, when and with what will it change? If not sure don’t say too much at the moment, rather postpone the meeting and then come back later with an informed solution.

Holding hands as a team

This me dear is the soft side of successful Leadership in a company. The how-to of Emotional Intelligence to become the leader who can change the performance and results in any company. You have to be a performer and an influencer.

To your success in the hard world of business. With this attitude, you will make a difference and know what is emotional intelligence in the workplace.


Granny Stella.

Gran Stella

6 Comments on “Letter 23 How to of Emotional Intelligence”

  1. Stella, I love this format! It feels so intimate to be reading letters to your granddaughter, but I also feel like what you’re saying here works for me, too. 🙂 Emotional intelligence is something that I consistently have to work on – and I sometimes hurt people because of the lack of it. I often have to go back at work and clarify what I thought was an appropriate comment, but the bluntness of it hurt someone’s feelings. 🙂 Thank you for the reminder to keep growing, and that through my support of others – my own life will be improved. Have a wonderful day!

    1. All of us lack the knowledge of emotional intelligence Hilary, one way or the other.
      It was never taught and is such an important fascist of the workplace and in everyday life as well.
      Being a silent observer and then the wise diplomat is ideal and one should strive to get there.
      Thank you for a very inspiring comment.

  2. Hey Ms. Stella loved your article it made me take a step back and evaluate my own emotional intelligence, your article gave me some really good tips that I’m going to follow, I especially found the section on Self Motivation and Take Responsibility for Your Actions helpful because I find myself struggling in those departments and I appreciate your tips on how to address them.
    Thank you so much,
    Chya “CeeCee” Cunningham

    1. Hi CeeCee so glad this article could be of help. it is really motivating!
      Nobody is perfect and one needs to upgrade sometime.
      Emotional intelligence is the selfless acts one has to concentrate on, it is mostly about other people and self growth.
      Thank you for a valuable comment I appreciate it.

  3. I think that this is one subject that should be taught to children at school from an early age. Obviously, most people are not learning these important skills from their parents, even though these skills are very important to be successful in any chosen career. We waste time on learning facts and figures which we can easily find with any computer or smartphone these days when the important things like regulating our emotions, positively supporting others and being empathetic to others are ignored in our education systems. When this changes, we will create better employees and better employers and our workplaces and homes will become happier places to be.
    Many thanks for sharing your wonderful ideas with us.

    1. Totally agree that all school systems are outdated and meaningless Andrew.

      Great idea to rewrite the curriculum and add life skills and more practical courses, Elon Musk is doing it in his homeschooling.
      It is hard to see how cold and cynical the world has become, very little empathy and goodwill.

      Thank you for a great comment that says it all.

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