Letter 13 Toxic Relationship Signs.

Be Aware of toxic relationship signs.

My dear Thinette

How was your day yesterday? Hope you enjoyed every minute and got spoiled. To have a good relationship is a blessing and not everybody has it, at the same time you have to work hard to have a happy one. People’s behaviour can be toxic and devastating to a good healthy relationship all is not moonshine and roses my dear. Let’s look at toxic relationship signs, what to be on the lookout for.

When you realise you are not happy, go to your quiet place sit in solitude, analyze the relationship from top to bottom and find out what might be the problem.

It is inevitable that certain events will have an effect on a relationship, so keep in mind a new job, moving house or moving town ect. will not always have a positive influence on a relationship. If it is not the case you have to look at the different behaviours and why is it happening.

All relationships go through a testing period, a maze of trial and error with some heavenly highlights. Do not commit too soon, give it space and time, take a back seat and let it simmer, all the differences will surface in time.

There is a saying that goes … You are a whole person, a full circle, your comfort zone within which you do all, in other words you have your known pattern how you live and it is the same for everybody.

The moment you meet someone you think is special, you tend to break that circle to adapt to the new situation. It is during this period you both try to form your unique combined circle. Now is the time it will show if there will be a possibility to be happy together or not. It will only happen with time after the excitement is over and all turns to normal, then it will show.

Trying to force the circle ends to meet is a big mistake because if this new circle is under pressure it will crack, break loose and both of you will go back to your original pattern. It is then when differences and unhappiness occur.

Make sure to have a new combined circle of precious gems before you commit.

You have to be aware of the next examples with signs which will be the cause of toxic behaviour resulting in unhappiness you should recognise and avoid.

Toxic Relationship Signs

  • Domination. One person wants to rule and run every situation in a relationship, making the other partner feel trapped and powerless. Never put a collar around your neck and hand the other person the leach. In a healthy relationship everything is done equally. It is a 50/50 union, making both feel free and strengthen the power of the relationship.

  •  Dependency. Depending on your partner, making him responsible for all that is happening in your life is a very bad idea. You can never expect him to be responsible for your happiness, it place such a burden on the relationship and you become a liability.

Get up, and get a life!

Become financially independent, have your own friends and activities, fill your own life. Be happy and be worthy as a full partner in a relationship.

Remember 50/50.

  •  Blaming. When his or her past bad behaviour is used to justify righteousness in a present situation is not so good. Using mistakes from the past and “I told you so” is part of manipulation, having a negative effect. If you do not acknowledge the past with its mistakes then you do not accept the person. Don’t shift the blame to manipulate your partner. You are not flawless either. Let bygones drift under the bridge and relax.

  • Old Baggage. Be ready before you go into the next relationship. Everybody deserves a fresh new start. Do not drag old baggage with bad memories and resentment into a new relationship. Take time to work through the past, take what you can learn from it and get rid of the rest. You have to heal yourself first before embarking on a new relationship. Be a new you when meeting your new friend.

  • Lies Lies Lies. When a person lies it is the worst that can happen in a relationship. Trust is one of the four important cornerstones of a happy and healthy relationship. When someone is lied to, it takes time and willingness to restore the trust. Trust me a lie has always the tendency to surface at the worst moment you can imagine and it will surface, mostly with a slip of the tongue. If you find a person is lying to you, speak up and let them know you know. It is another form of manipulation and brainwashing. Forgiveness and reconciliation can not start until the truth is spoken.

IF YOU TELL THE TRUTH YOU NEVER HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID

  • Lack of Forgiveness. Lack of forgiveness and lack of willingness to rebuild trust is a sign of resentment. Many long term relationships suffer from broken trust at some point, it is essential to know it can be repaired, both partners have to be willing though. It is a mutual effort with hard work to restore trust. Find a new set of rules for behaviour and stick to it, it is a painful process to lay a new foundation to build trust on.

  • Passive Aggression. What is passive aggression? This behaviour is described as a non verbal negative quiet way to express anger. Instead of communicating and discussing a problem, the person normally becomes sarcastic and find ways to sting a partner as punishment until they get the attention they demand. Normally this happens when a partner feels insecure to discuss an issue openly. In a discussion make sure one does not get the blame, being held responsible or feel obliged to any ideas or opinions expressing by the other. There must be a feeling of frankness to speak their mind in a mature way, come to a compromise.

  • Emotional Blackmail. A partner normally does this to manipulate. They want you do act against your will to suit their needs. To avoid the penalty they impose on you, you will give in to let them have their way. There should be a safe platform built into the relationship to prevent this and to solve any differences. Manipulation is not the way.

  • No Time for Your Relationship. Spending time together is the backbone of every relationship. If it is neglected the relationship will eventually fall apart. If he is forever out with his friends or a workaholic and never has time for you, or you keep busy with the kids and do not give him any attention is a recipe for failure.

A relationship is a living working entity on two legs. It requires dedication and quality time spent together on a regular basis. For a relationship to flourish you both have to nourish it with lots of tender loving care. A very important fact is to spend time together every week.

Set one night apart from you schedule and dedicate the time to each other.

  • Being yourself is not possible in their presence. You have no confidence and feel uncomfortable in the other partner’s presence. You can never speak your mind or feel at ease, because you are not accepted for who you are. In the end the rift gets bigger.

  • Self Centered Partner. Everything is just about them, their belongings and their ways. There is no space for anything else. Being single minded is a very selfish characteristic and definitely not a game player.

  • Being Right all the Time.  Only his or her ideas and suggestions count, your ideas always get overruled. When your partner mocks you, puts you down as not good enough, never doing anything right is also a form of manipulation. It makes you feel inferior and incompetent.

  • None of your talents or achievements get recognised, it only receives negative criticism. You are not free to improve or develop your qualities as a person. No encouragement or support only disbelieve and mockery with all your attempts to get a independent individual. Preventing you to from gaining your independence is a deal breaker.

  • No good Memories. It is hard to enjoy happy good moments with your partner. It feels like a chore and a challenge, their controlling ways becomes unbearable.

  • The Deal Breakers

  • An Abusive Partner and Alcohol. This is a tuff one my darling and one I hope you will never come across an abusive alcoholic partner. You get a mental or psychological and a physical abuser. Some of the mental or psychological abuse characteristics are already mentioned above but the physical abuser can be a killer. He does not make threats only, he goes into action.  Whenever he gets opposed he wants to destroy every one and everything in his way, and normally does, saying afterwards he can’t remember. It is not worth staying in such a relationship my dear. Get away safely and never go back. He will tell you with the best promises it will never happen again and want you to believe him, but you have to  make me a promise, you will never go back again. Rather disappear, change name, address and country.

  • Stealing. When you find out he has a habit if stealing, pack your bags and go my love. He might be a white collar fraud hiding it from you. Someone who steals on any level are a weak person and does not deserve you. He will never change. He also will make promises and promises, but it stays “NO DEAL”

The characteristics of a relationship is so dynamic it sometimes blows your mind. There are many aspects to take into consideration to be happy. You can see it takes time to really learn to know a person. It is not and overnight starry eyed instant thing, there are to much at stake. To be happy you have to do great planning on all fronts my dear and take your time, that is of the essence.

Do you know people who has some of these toxic signs in their relationships and character? It will be fun trying to recognised it in private. It makes you aware of who and what that person really is.

Know your ‘enemy’  steer from them and stay alert.

Lovies

Gan Stella

guidancewithgranny.com

8 Comments on “Letter 13 Toxic Relationship Signs.”

  1. What stuck out to me in your article was that domination and dependency are two of the biggest toxic behaviors that lessens the qualities of all relationships especially romantically!! It is no fun when somebody is so dependent on you. And it is also no fun with the same person tries to dominate all the decisions of the relationship and “wear the pants” so to speak. You made a lot of great points in your article. This is very refreshing information. Thank you.

    1. So many people are being dominated and manipulated without realising it. They are still in the moment of bliz, but after about 20 years they realise they did not have a life.
      It is the easy way out to be dependent and not to do things for themselves, when you love someone you don’t mind being the servant, it becomes the norm, until oneday then all just snaps.
      There is so many things to master to have a healthy relasionship and a very few people realise it.
      Thank you for a motivating comment.
      Stella
      Bush Lady

  2. I like your article! It is very educational, I gonna sharing this to all of my friends, that’s very important information, I think love is established on Trust and Free, you got that right!

    1. Thank you SkyPath I appreciate your comment and are glad you agree.
      Trust and respect are two of the 4 cornerstones of a successful relationship, you are so right.
      As a couple each should still feel free and not chained down.
      Thank you for sharing it with your friends.
      Stella

  3. You have described all the bad things to look out for perfectly. I would try to stress that no-one is perfect and yes Toxic relationships should be avoided as much as possible.

    What do you think about Fatal Attraction in the sense some people thrive on the drama of problems. Do you people could ever make bad relationships work?

    1. Hi Dennis thank you for stopping by!

      Yes it is true nobody can ever be perfect. We are all trying to be perfect according to our own believes, and will only achieve some perfection to attract the people with the same believes and values.

      Fatal attraction to me is what it says.
      Are people with that behaviour really thriving or hiding? Do you mean people who always have or ask for the bad to be thrown at them and enjoy the challenge it offers? They will get tired of living on the edge. Many people achieve fatal attraction with negative thoughts. The universe will bless them with more than they can handle.
      I feel Fatal attraction and Opposites attracts falls into the same category. It makes for a conflicting relationship with many ups and downs. Some people loves the excitement it brings, it is exhilarating, while others love the smooth calm tranquility of a harmonious relationship.
      In a relationship Fatal attraction might come with lust and satisfaction that can be appealing but short lived while attraction that grows slowly into something deep and longer lasting. Within a harmonious relationship you can have the same excitement as in a fatal attraction one.

      It is what it is and no one can change the situation or memory only mutual love and forgiveness can. It is a two way street and needs some compassion, discussion and planning …. back to the drawing board to set rules for the new relationship because the old one is dead. If something bad has happened both should be willing to compromise and if one can not, it is best to call it a day, how hard it might be and move on. A crack in the cup never makes it whole again it just gathers more and more dirt, and the unconscious mind let resentment simmer.

      Thank you for your interesting and valuable comment!
      Stella

      1. Very good. It is all dependent on the people. Your last statement says it all though!

        “the unconscious mind let resentment simmer” Therin lies the problem. if a person subconciously holds resentment that is a whole different world.

        I believe a Toxic relationship can only work if the people truly accept each other. The toxicity will fester if there is any type of resentment.

        Your explanation was good and i agree. People must be willing to move on if they want to be happy.

        I have also met those who do not want to be happy also LOL lets just let them be because you can’t help those who don’t want help or can’t understand how to accept it.

        Keep up the good work
        onward n upward

        1. When getting challenged with a situation your mind always goes through your experience files first to see what it has in stock to compensate or find a solution to solve the problem, if nothing is found only then you feel the emotional shock and get upset and feels unhappy.
          Your personality deals with the situation in you unconscious mind, and the outcome depends on what you feed your unconscious mind LOL
          I realise not all relationships are made in heaven but toxic trends are not a good start.
          Do you really believe a relationship with toxic elements can stood the test of time? What will you base in on?
          It is human nature to lean over to resentment if all does not go well.
          Being negative and always see the worst is a habit that comes from a living example and very hard to break.Their cup is always half empty and will never get full to runneth over.
          Thank you for a very inspiring comment Captain!
          Stella

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