What is a Toxic Relationship

 Thinette my granddaughter.

My dear Thinette

A toxic relationship always makes you feel, you are looking up to the person, from down under. There is this feeling of inferiority, not good enough and lesser in your mind. Almost makes you feel like a doggy at the feet of his master, begging for attention. You will feel stuck and can’t grow as a person.

Irwin describes a toxic person as “Anyone who is abusive, unsupportive, or unhealthy emotionally—someone who basically brings you down more than building you up. “

Your intuition will show you the red flags. People’s behaviour and most of all, attitude can have a bad influence and will eventually have a devastating effect on a good relationship. Though someone can be attractive, romantic or desirable, if there is a behaviour not matching your values, please do not ignore it.

To have a healthy relationship is a blessing, furthermore, a good relationship does not happen all by itself. In contrast, it is hard work to have a happy one, my dear.

You have to give lots of thought and most of all, dedicated attention to make a relationship succeed. Be aware of bad relationship signs, on second thought, recognize and set yourself free. Move on and find your special one. Come to an agreement, or even better, find a compromise.

When realizing you are not happy as a result of bad behaviour go to your quiet place, sit in solitude, analyze and re-think, is this a relationship I want? Analyze what might probably steal your happiness, in addition, if you feel unhappy he will have the same feelings.

Work through the unhappy moments. Is it your high expectations, very little or no common interests or most probably his lack of enthusiasm? Are you both on the same relationship level, do you have the same values and want the same in life?

A Toxic Relationship

It is inevitable that certain events will have an effect on a relationship. Keep in mind, a new job, moving house, death in the family or moving town will not always have a positive influence on a relationship. If it is not the case you have to look at the different behaviours and why is it happening.

What is a Toxic Relationship a gigantic maze with highlights

Guidance with Granny What is a Toxic Relationship

All relationships go through a testing period, a maze of trial and error with probably some heavenly highlights. Take your time, above all do not commit too soon, give it space, consequently take a back seat and let the relationship simmer. All the harming differences will surface with time.

There is a saying, You are as an individual, a whole person. Living your life in a full circle, thus, your comfort zone, within which you function. You have your known pattern of how you live your life, and it is the same for everybody.

The moment you meet someone special, you tend to break that circle of habits to adapt to the new situation and accommodate new behaviour. It is during this period you both try to form your unique combined circle.

Now is the time it will show if there will be a possibility to be happy together or not. It will only happen with time after the excitement is over and all turns to normal, then it will show.

Trying to force the circle’s ends to line up and meet is a big mistake, because, if this new circle is under pressure it will crack. Differences and unhappiness occur, as a result, both will go back to their original pattern of behaviour if the commitment was too soon.

What is a Toxic Relationship change to a be like a bracelet of precious pearls. full circle.

Make sure to have a new combined circle of precious gems of behaviour, before you commit.

You have to be aware of the next examples of signs which will be the cause of toxic behaviour, consequently resulting in unhappiness you should recognize it and avoid.

What is a Toxic Relationship with Guidance with Granny

Unhappy Relationships Signs

  • Domination. One person wants to rule and run every situation in a relationship, make the other partner feeling trapped and powerless. Never put a collar around your neck and hand the other person the leach. In a healthy relationship, everything is done equally. It is a 50/50 union, making both feel free and strengthen the power of the relationship.

  •  Dependency. Never depend on your partner, or making him responsible for all that is happening in your life. It is a very bad idea. You can never expect him to be responsible for your happiness, even more, it places such a burden on the relationship and you become a liability. Get up, and get a life of your own!

  • Become financially independent, have your own friends and activities, fill your own life. Be happy and be worthy as a full partner in a relationship.

Guidance with Granny What is a Toxic Relationship

  •  Blaming. When his or her past bad behaviour is used to justify righteousness in a present situation is not so good. Using mistakes from the past and “I told you so” is part of the manipulation, having a negative effect. If you do not acknowledge the past with its mistakes then you do not accept the person.

  • Don’t shift the blame to manipulate your partner. You are not flawless either. Let bygones drift under the bridge and relax.

  • Old Baggage. Be ready before you go into the next relationship. Everybody deserves a fresh new start. Do not drag old baggage with bad memories and resentment into a new relationship.

  • Take time to work through the past, take what you can learn from it and get rid of the rest. You have to heal yourself first before embarking on a new relationship. Be a new YOU when meeting your new friend.

What is a Toxic Relationship,Lady with old baggage

  • Lies Lies Lies. When a person lies it is the worst that can happen in a relationship. Trust is one of the four important cornerstones of a happy and healthy relationship.

  • When someone is lied to, it takes time and willingness to restore the trust. Trust me, a lie has always the tendency, to surface at the worst moment you can imagine. It will surface, mostly with a slip of the tongue.

  • If you find a person is lying to you, speak up and let them know you know. It is another form of manipulation and brainwashing.

  • Forgiveness and reconciliation can not start until the truth is spoken.


  • Lack of Forgiveness. Lack of forgiveness and lack of willingness to rebuild trust is a sign of resentment. Many long term relationships suffer from the broken trust at some point.

  • It is essential to know it can be repaired, both partners have to be willing though. It is a mutual effort with hard work to restore trust. Find a new set of rules for behaviour and stick to it, it is a painful process to lay a new foundation to build trust on.

  • Passive Aggression. What is passive aggression? This behaviour is described as a non-verbal negative quiet way to express anger. Instead of communicating and discussing a problem, the person normally becomes sarcastic and find ways to sting a partner as punishment until they ultimately get the attention they demand.

  • Normally this happens when a partner feels insecure to discuss an issue openly. In a discussion make sure one partner does not get the blame. Being held responsible or feel obliged to any ideas or opinions expressing by the other will most definitely have a negative effect. There must be a feeling of frankness to speak their mind in a mature way, therefore come to a compromise.

  • Emotional Blackmail. A partner normally does this to manipulate. They want you to act against your will to suit their needs. To avoid the penalty they impose on you, with the result, you will give in to let them have their way. There should be a safe platform built into the relationship to prevent this and to solve any differences. Manipulation is not the way.

  • What is a Toxic Relationship, never has time for you, Mother with baby in a stroller
  • No Time for Your Relationship. Spending time together is the backbone of every relationship. If it is neglected the relationship will eventually fall apart. If he is forever out with his friends or a workaholic and never has time for you, could spell disaster. On the other hand, you keep too busy with the kids and do not give him any attention or love, it is a recipe for failure.

A relationship is a living working entity on two legs. It requires dedication and quality time spent together on a regular basis. For a relationship to flourish you both have to nourish it with lots of tender loving care. A very important fact is to spend time together every week.

What is a Toxic Relationship set one romantic night apart, Image of a couple kissing in the moonlight

Set one romantic night apart from your schedule and dedicate the time to each other.

  • Being yourself is not possible in their presence. You have no confidence and feel uncomfortable, therefore, never been able to speak your mind. Not being accepted for who you are. In the end, the rift gets bigger.

  • Self Centered Partner. Everything is just about them, their belongings and their ways. There is no space for anything else. Being single-minded is a very selfish characteristic and definitely not a game player.

  • Being Right All the Time.  Only his or her ideas and suggestions count, your ideas always get overruled. When your partner mocks you, puts you down as not good enough, never doing anything right is also a form of manipulation. Name-calling and belittling you. It makes you feel inferior and incompetent.

  •  name calling and belittling you.
  • None of your talents or achievements gets recognized, it only receives a negative criticism. You are not free to improve or develop your qualities as a person.

  • No encouragement or support consequently, only disbelieve and mockery with all your attempts to get an independent individual. Preventing you from gaining your independence is a deal-breaker.

  • No good Memories. It is hard to enjoy happy and good moments with your partner. It probably feels like a chore and a challenge, because their controlling ways becomes unbearable.

Guidance with Granny What is a Toxic Relationship

 The Deal Breakers

  • What is a Toxic Relationship, Alcoholic drinking from a bottle.
  • An Abusive Partner and Alcohol. This is a tough one my darling and one I hope you will never come across an abusive alcoholic or most of all a drug abuse partner. You get a mental or psychological and a physical abuser.

  • Some of the mental or psychological abuse characteristics are already mentioned above, but, the physical abuser can be a killer. He does not make threats only, as a matter of fact, he goes into action.

  •  Whenever he gets opposed he wants to destroy everyone and everything in his way, and normally does, saying afterwards he can’t remember. It is not worth staying in such a relationship my dear.

  • Getaway safely and never look or go back.

  • He will tell you and with promises, it will never happen again and want you to believe him. Make me a promise, my dear, you will never go back again. Rather disappear, change your name, address and country.

  • Not being Honest and Stealing. When you find he has a habit of not telling the truth and stealing,  without a doubt, my dear, pack your bags and go. A white-collar fraud and crime might be hiding somewhere along the line. Someone who steals on any level is a weak person and does not deserve you. He will never change and will also make promises and promises, but it stays “NO DEAL”

The characteristics of a relationship are so dynamic it sometimes blows your mind. There are many aspects, in addition, to take into consideration to be happy. You can see it takes time to really learn to know a person and his true character.

It is not an overnight starry-eyed instant happening, there are, consequently, too much at stake. Making sure to find true happiness you have to find someone with the same value system as you, my dear. Take your time, because it is of the essence.

Guidance with Granny, What is a Toxic Relationship?

Do you know who has some of these bad relationship signs in your group of friends?  Recognize and set yourself free when you spot these bad toxic signs, it causes conflict in any relationship? Open your eyes and be aware, most of all, who and what that person really is. It will save you lots of heartaches if you can recognise the red flags. You deserve a happy relationship, my dear,

Stay alert, know who your ‘enemy’ is and consequently steer away from them.

The best advice is to do something special for your partner every day, best of all make it an act of surprise.

Remember the 50/50 rule, in a relationship, everything involves 50/50, in other words, share everything you do and is on an equal basis.

Love you

Ganny Stella



Tips for a Good Relationship


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